What happens when he girl falls in love
with a Transboy? Is it real love or just shame?
When she came to my school I was that
weird kid. No friends, no girl. Because I’m biological girl but I feel like I’m
a boy.
It was sunny day. I was sitting in the
hall and reading a book, as always when its break during lessons. Sunrays was
coming through the small windows above me. My mind was deep in the
thriller story by some not-so-famous writer I love.
Sometimes I was looking on my friends
through my dark brown hair falling on my forehead. They didn’t see my angry
eyes. But they are making me crazy every time I look at their laughing lips and
sexy girls faces. I feel like I’m living in other world and that thing will never
be mine. I can’t laugh, I can’t smile. I’m always sulky. I don’t like this
thing in myself but I can’t change it.
I’m disappointed because they are big crew
and I have no one to hang out with. I’m looking at that 4 people and pain is
coming to my eyes.
I’ve came back to my book and didn’t let
the tears go out of my eyes.
My biggest dream is to be a normal boy,
have a group of friends and girlfriend who will love me no matter who I am.
And that whispers…”Is it a girl or boy?”
are hearable every time, everywhere. I heard it that moment and was trying to
focus on letters. But I didn’t expect this moment will change my life. I was
angry but when she came my life turned up.
-Excuse me - I heard that gorgeous voice.
Like a baseball bat, she smashed me out from lecture. I raised my sight and saw
this angel. Beautiful brown-eyed girl was sitting right next to me and trying
to make a conversation. It was paradise.
Her dark-blonde hair was finely falling on
her chest. Her small lips was moving so sexy and slow.
-Yeah ? Whets up? - I’ve closed my book
and tried to act like a cool guy who I wanted to be.
-You know… I was just wondering - Shy was
shy and looking down on the floor - Are you a girl or boy? - When asking this
weird question she looked directly in my eyes. I saw her eyelashes and her
little cute smile. All world stopped. I’ve seen only me and her sitting on the
hood of my black car in the moonlight.
Nothing else matters, I want that girl to be mine
I sighted.
-I am Transboy - I decided to tell her a
truth. She was the first person who asked me directly.
-Transboy? - Crooked smile appeared on her
face.
- I’m boy trapped in girls body - She
looked at my body. Black tshirt, jeans and sneakers. Boys clothes, boys soul.
She was looking good in that flowery dress
and black flats. I think that God send me this angel to protect me from
depression and bad minds.
-You are the first person who asked me
this question - I said - Thank you.
-For what? - She smiled.
-For honestly - I smiled too - I’m
Dominic.
-Laura - We were looking at each.
-So, Laura - I stood up - How about a
walk?
I think she was feeling that I like her.
This was a first time we met but I thought this girl Is so special to me. And I
can’t lose her. I had a dream about us and I wanted to make it true.
It was a long break so we were walking
down the hallways and talking about us. I’ve told her more about myself and my
dysphoria and sad memories. She was interested and asking questions. She didn’t
judged me, she seemed so tolerant and she probably accepted me.
She was telling me about photography which
is her hobby and her dreams. She wanted to become a professional photographer
and have a family and two dogs. We were laughing and talking like we know each
other for years. I cant believe that it was just 20 minutes.
I gave her my number. The same day I was
playing xbox and my phone received a sms.
From: Unknown
“Hey, Dom, is that you?”
To: Unknown
“Laura? Dom… I like it. What’s up shawty?”
From: Laura
“Yes. Listen, talking with you was great.
Maybe you could pick me up tomorrow after school? I’ll give you my address and
we will hang out.”
To: Laura
“Sounds great. I’ve got a ride so watch
out for black Mitsubishi. It’s like a gangsta car but I got no ladies in it. Till
tomorrow :) “
From: Laura
“You are so funny. And listen… I don’t
care who you are. You are great person and… what’s your real name?” I would
just like to know”
I stopped. I wasn’t using this name for 2
years. I hate it so much.
To: Laura
“Edyta. I don’t like it, girl.”
From: Laura
“Don’t worry, I just wanted to know :) C U
tomorrow Dom”
She send me her address and pic of her. I
don’t know for sure but I think she likes me. It’s like chemistry in
friendship. Love is just my imagination. There’s no girl for trans people. I
always thought that I will be single all my life.
Next day I went to school in good mood. It was 11 am. I was looking for
something in my locker and I heard “ Is this him?” and “Little punk and freak”.
Yes, I thought it was about me.
I pee on it. My locker has been closed and
I was about to go to my class but big guy wearing snapback just like me yelled
“ What’s up idiot?” on me.
He was surrounded by some girls and couple
boys. I looked at him, but I wasn’t
interested in talking with pigs.
-On the end of my finger is moron - He
spoke and pointed at me.
-Which end? - I smiled a little.
Then Big Guy’s girls laughed and he wasn’t
so happy.
That boy was about to hit me. He started
walking to me but then that girl appeared.
-Hey, Mickey… stop - Laura was trying to
punch him outta me but he shouted at her” What do you want? Fuck out of my
business, your little…”
-Don’t call her that! - I walked close to
him with anger on my face. No one will insult my… friend.
- Cuz what , asexual shit? - He was taller
than me but I wasn’t chicken. I was angry like bird when someone takes his eggs
away.
-Cuz im gonna throw away your brain out
your head. Oh, im sorry - I stopped - You have no brain - People started to
laugh.
-Get away, punk - He punched me on
stomach. I doubled and twisted face in the pain.
-No! - Girl split us and took me away.
We have run away from school. It was my
idea but she agreed with that. My car was parked by the school. We get inside.
-Thank you - It was my first thing I said to
her when the pain was gone.
-He was my boyfriend. Now, we are enemies
because I saw him with two other girls. But he treats every lady the same. Like
toy. He thinks he can shout at girl and hit her - I saw pain and tears in her
eyes.
-Hey… - I looked at her and gentle put my
hand on her shoulder. It touched her hair and she looked at me. - Don’t be sad,
that type of guy will never change - I said tryna make her comfortable.
- Dom… thank you. You were defending me - She gave me her beautiful
look. And her little, sexy smile. Oh, man. I’m falling so much deeper in this
lady
I smiled archly, kinda swaggy like she
said.
I get closer to her and took her
lightly. It was the first person I ‘ve
ever give a hug.
She was directly next to me. So close. I
could feel her breath. My lips was so close to her lips.
-You are the most beautiful woman I’ve
ever seen. Every man would like to have you but you should choose carefully.
We smiled a little. I felt like jerk cuz I
thought I said rubbish.
-O, Dom… - She said so sweet - You are so
nice - She gave me a great hug. I patted her on her back and hold tight. It was
magic moment. It was like fairytale. I know Laura since yesterday and she knows
I am a girl. But whether, she likes me. She don’t treats me like a freak and she
don’t play games with me ( I think so). I’m sure I can call her my friend.
-So - I said when we were sitting on the
seats stunned - McDonald?
-No, im not hungry - she reused with a
smile.
-So, maybe we could go to my crib? There’s
a wood and we can go for a little walk. Day is not so cold as it seems. - I
send her a big smile.
-Really? I love country sides! - She was
happy so without a word I turned on my car.
After 20 minutes we were on my backyard.
Laura was playing with my 2 black dogs. She loves dogs so much and it is so
happy to see your friends smile. But I had something to do.
I went to bathroom. In the mirror I see,
like that guy said “asexual freak”. But I’m a boy. For myself and Laura. My
bangs is so long because I’m shy and don’t wanna look at other people. Sides of
my head were buzzed so I decided to make my hairstyle more Swag. I spiked it on
the top. Then, I looked at MYSELF in the mirror and said “So what? You want
that girl.” I thought for a minute. “ So make her love you no matter who you
are, buddy”
That moment I was feeling so confident.
That shyness has gone. Hopefully forever.
I’ve get back to my lady and took her
hand. I didn’t mean do it, I felt like I
did something wrong. It wasn’t good moment for that move. But when I saw her
smile… I guess she wanted it to. So, we went straight the alley through trees.
When i was feeling her hand holding mine, I was in heaven. Nothing… everything
will be alright. I was just calm as never before. I’ve always been angry and
sad… no, that Dominic is gone right now.
- Do you like even I am
trans? - I asked her.
-
No - she gave me a
hug - I love you as a boy.
-
Then she kissed my
cheek. I took a picture of this moment and saved it deep in my heart.
